Gray: The First Three Months

Oh my goodness, I feel like every time I sit down to right this I just have so much to say- and then something happens (Gray wakes up, work stuff comes up, I end up cleaning ha…), but I am finally sitting down and getting this done (no matter how long it takes!). I will warn you- this is a long post. I felt like there was so much I needed to say and so much information to share! Definitely feel free to bookmark this and come back later because you may be here a while haha!

I want to say first and foremost- I am sharing my experience. Every woman’s postpartum journey and parenting style is different and that is perfectly normal! There is no right way to recover from a delivery, no right way to get your child to sleep, no right way to feed your baby- you do what is safe and what works for your own family. I am just sharing a little about my experience for those of you who may be interested.

The last three months have been such a beautiful-and challenging-time. Scott and I have both tried to navigate this ‘parenting’ thing as best we can even though mostly it just feels like trial and error. Every day is different with Gray and we have learned to just roll with it.

Today, I wanted to share a bit more about how I am feeling postpartum, why I am now exclusively pumping and bottle feeding, and Gray’s current sleep/feed schedule. I also wanted to share some sweet photos from our last 3 months.

Postpartum Journey

Up first- let’s talk postpartum. I want to preface this by saying that about a week ago I addressed on IG stories a common message I was receiving: “HOW ARE YOU SO PUT TOGETHER? HOW ARE YOU GETTING ANYTHING DONE? YOU ARE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE A BAD MOM.‘

Thankfully, my parents live very close and my mom actually comes over Monday-Thursday 8:30- 4:30 to help with Gray so I can get work done. When I was pregnant, I knew that I would need help (whether it be my mom or someone else) and thankfully she agreed! We have a very open and honest relationship, so I tell her all the time that if she needs a break/day off to herself I am totally fine with that. I want her to want to be here and never feel like I am taking advantage of her. I do pay her because let’s be real- this is a full-time job and a lot of work. When Gray is napping, my mom helps pick up the house, cleans, does laundry, and sometimes she even preps our dinner. Honestly, she really takes over the ‘mom’ role while she is here. She also runs things to the post office for me (like weekly giveaway prizes!) and will take any returns I have back to the store. This gives me time to work undisturbed in my office, film content, run errands, etc. Obviously, if Gray is super fussy or unhappy I do step in, but for the most part my mom tends to him most of the day.

Because of this, I am able to take time to get ready and actually complete my daily to-do list. The other thing you guys may not know is that I actually film content and take photos for the entire week on Sundays and Mondays. Most collaborations are scheduled far in advance, so on Sundays I will normally take all my photos for the week and on Mondays I film all brand stories. This way, I have that aspect of my job complete and don’t have to necessarily get ready every day of the week. I also hate scrambling around shooting photos/videos the day that it is due- I would much rather have everything done and ready to go in advance.

Believe me, the days that my mom isn’t here are usually a mess. I feel like I cannot get anything done and each time Gray goes down for a nap I am running around the house trying to check things off my to-do list (which I typically fail at). I am very grateful for my mom and realize that I am blessed to have them living nearby (which is why we will never leave this area haha!).

Postpartum in general has been an interesting time… I honestly felt like the first month was a blur. Looking back, I am shocked that I was able to function on so little sleep, but I credit that to maybe being on a “new baby high” where I was just really happy to have him with us. After the first month, I think everything caught up with me and I definitely hit a wall. The time period from Thanksgiving to Christmas was rough. I was tired and struggling with breastfeeding. I remember one day in particular where I couldn’t stop crying. I wasn’t upset about anything in particular, but the tears just kept coming- Scott really loved that day haha!

I have also been getting used to all the changes your body goes through postpartum- obviously, I have a scar that I will live with forever, my boobs are crazy, clothes don’t fit me the same, my hair has darkened and is super fragile… it’s all been an adjustment. Hormones are all over the place too- I can certainly see how all of this can easily snowball into postpartum depression. Thankfully, I have had a great support system around me and I am very aware of my feelings/when I need a break. I touched a little about this on stories as well, but getting up and ready for the day really helped me mentally. Setting an alarm, going to make my coffee, and then heading into the bathroom to wash my face/brush teeth/get ready has been my morning routine for as long as I can remember. It gets me going for the day; motivates me. I remember thinking while I was pregnant that I was going to try my best to stick to this routine. I just knew that if I fell out of it, I wouldn’t feel motivated and I would probably start feeling depressed. Don’t get me wrong- I love Gray, taking care of him, and being his mama. However, I knew that if I stopped taking care of myself then I would lose all motivation and subsequently get down on myself. I love a day of lounging in sweats, makeup-less, just hanging out with Gray, but I wouldn’t be able to do this everyday because I just know that I would fall into a bad space. All of us are different, but for me getting ready, slapping on some makeup, changing out of pajamas is important- it makes me feel like me again; it makes me feel confident; it makes me feel happy; it makes me want to get work done.

Whatever makes you feel like you again- take the time and do it! I cannot recommend that enough! It is crazy to go from not being a mom to a mom in an instant and your entire world is forever changed. My best piece of advice- don’t forget to take care of yourself. Yes, your life will revolve around taking care of this new baby, but don’t let it consume you. Ask for help. Take a break. Do things that you loved doing before that little peanut arrived. If you’re having a bad day- it is okay. It will pass and a better day is around the corner. And… if nothing else, email me (I am horrible at getting back too DMs now!! No, seriously, if you are having a tough day and need to vent, send it my way. Just remember- YOU are amazing, YOU are doing a great job, and YOU are the best mom to that sweet baby.

As far as recovery from a c-section, I have to say that I feel like it is going well. I have so many friends who had difficult recoveries and were in a lot of pain, but for some reason I never experienced that. Obviously, during the first few days I was tender and it was difficult to move, but I felt like within a week or so I was doing well. The hospital did provide me with an abdominal binder while I was there and I continued to wear it for about 4-5 days postop. I linked a similar one here! For the first 36 hours after surgery, I did take the lowest dose of prescription pain medication, but I made it a point to switch to Ibuprofen as soon as possible. I took Ibuprofen around the clock for the first week or so at home too. Going from a sitting to standing position was difficult (hello going to the bathroom!) and I moved around slowly. I still have some tenderness along my incision (if something hits it or if I rub up against something), but I am able to do almost everything like I did before. We still are taking it a bit easy at the gym, but I am hoping that within the next 1-2 months to be back to normal activity. I wrote a little more about postpartum and my birth experience here for those of you who may be interested!

Feeding

During my pregnancy, I had every intention to breastfeed Gray until he was 12 months old, but unfortunately things didn’t really go as planned in that department. Since I had an unexpected c-section, I really didn’t prepare or have a plan in place immediately following the delivery. I expected to have a vaginal delivery and that I would have skin-to-skin/feed Gray in the immediate seconds-minutes following his birth. Although I saw Gray once he was born (they held him up so we could see him), he was taken to the nursery for about 40 minutes for vitals and other procedures. I so wish I would have been more persistent about having immediate skin-to-skin, but honestly everything happened so fast that my brain was just playing catch up. When Gray was brought to me, I was told that his blood sugar was low and they asked me to feed him to see if that would bring it up (it did!). The first time I fed him was amazing– it is such a powerful moment knowing that you are giving your child everything he needs to survive. Gray latched very well and seemed to know exactly what to do.

During my 48 hour stay at the hospital, I breastfed on demand (which feels like 24/7) and everything seemed to be going well. The Lactation Consultant (LC) did stop by my room and ask how things were going- I told her it was “great!” and that I didn’t need any help. My mom was also there, so I felt like if I needed any guidance then I would ask her. I regret this decision immensely because I think the LC could have provided so many tips early on which may have changed the eventual outcome of me not exclusively breastfeeding. I highly recommend speaking to the hospital’s LC (even if you think things are going well!) just to see what she has to say.

Once we were at home, I continued to breastfeed on demand and still felt like things were going well. My mom kept mentioning that she was surprised I wasn’t engorged, but not everyone experiences this so I wasn’t too worried. I would feel a let down and whenever Gray would feed, he would latch, suck, and swallow well. Whenever he came off my breast, I could see milk in his mouth, so I knew he was getting something.

Gray had his newborn check-up two days after being discharged from the hospital. He had lost a little weight (not uncommon in newborns), but my pediatrician advised to keep feeding every 2-3 hours and to return in a few weeks for his one month old check up. Over the next few weeks, I continued feeding around the clock on demand. I was exhausted and although I felt like Gray was doing well, at his one month old check up we realized that he hadn’t been gaining like we hoped. During his exam, we confirmed that he didn’t have a tongue tie or any other issues that may make feeding difficult. My pediatrician was super sweet and reassured me that things would be fine. I felt like a FAILURE– seriously, I left so sad and anxious. I immediately called a local LC and scheduled an appointment for her to come to our house. This was around Thanksgiving, so my appointment was after the holiday. In the meantime, I decided to try pumping and bottle feeding Gray. We knew that everything on his end checked out, so that meant he wasn’t gaining great weight most likely because I wasn’t producing enough milk. I wanted to pump to see how many ounces my body was producing and I also wanted to see how Gray would take to a bottle. I quickly realized that I wasn’t making a lot of milk- I think I was pumping about 3 ounces every 4-5 hours. I was frantically searching Google for ways to increase my supply- I was trying it all! Power pumping, a method where you pump on and off for an hour straight 3 times a day for a few days, seemed to give me the biggest boost out of everything I tried. Thankfully, Gray took to a bottle great and even though all I wanted to do was breastfeed, I knew that as long as he was being fed it was all that mattered.

The LC came to our home a few days later and she watched me breastfeed Gray, weighed him before and after (to see how many ounces he was taking), and examined him. After breastfeeding, we realized Gray only took an ounce and we discussed ways to increase my supply. I talk about this more on my ‘mom life’ highlight, but she recommended:

• Breastfeeding every 2 hours around the clock
• Cash Cow supplement from Legendairy Milk
• Plenty of water
• Oatmeal each morning
• Lactation cookies daily
• If I pumped, switch to the Medela Symphony (much more powerful than my Medela Freestyle); she told me I could rent it from our local hospital

After our appointment, I was still frustrated that I didn’t have some kind of ‘quick fix’ to make breastfeeding more successful. No one could really tell me why it wasn’t working and I think that was the worst part. I ended up ordering the supplement and cookies, rented the hospital-grade pump, and really upped my water intake.

*As a side note, for those of you looking at breast pumps, the Aeroflow website is great! You input your insurance information and it lets you know what pumps are covered/partially covered. This is where I ordered the Medela Freestyle from while I was pregnant!

I honestly feel like I saw the biggest change in my supply once I started using the Medela Symphony. It has a very powerful suction and I guess that is what I needed to get the milk out- sounds weird, I know. During all of this time, Gray was doing GREAT with bottle feeding and to be honest, it was nice that other people could feed him. My supply kept increasing and I was finally able to store milk- yes, STORE EXTRA MILK! I was so happy!

So, for the last 2.5 months I was been exclusively pumping and it is what works for us. Currently, I pump 6-7 times per day (just depends how much I have going on work wise) and I like to follow this schedule:

• 2 AM, 6 AM, 9 AM, Noon, 3 PM, 6 PM, 9/10 PM

Gray loosely follows this feeding schedule currently:

• 7/8 AM, 11 AM, 2 PM, 5 PM, 7 PM
• We always make sure his 5 PM feed isn’t huge- we want him to be really hungry right before bed, so he takes a bigger bottle- that way he will sleep longer at night!
• I talk more about when he dropped his night feeds in the sleep section below!

Typically, during the morning pump sessions, I can get anywhere between 5-7 ounces and in the afternoon I will get 4 ounces. On average, I will pump 30-33ish ounces per day. It’s not a ton, but it is enough to feed Gray and some days I end up with some extra! Currently, I have about 120 ounces stored in our freezer which I am very proud of! We will be traveling this weekend and will be gone for 4 days/3 nights, so my mom will likely use all of it, but I will keep to this pumping schedule while we are gone so I can replace everything she uses! As a side note- I do have a few upcoming work trips planned this spring, so I am planning on keeping this pumping schedule so I can continue to build up a storage of milk. The maximum number of days that I am willing to be away from Gray is 3-4, but obviously I need quite a bit of milk in the freezer for him while I am gone.

Currently, the things I am doing to keep my supply up:

• Use the Medela Symphony
• Drink 120 oz water per day
• Drink coconut water or Gatorade each day (drinks with electrolytes seem to help me!)
• Eat oatmeal (old fashioned kind) each AM
• Take Cash Cow supplement

Obviously, different things may work for you to increase your supply and unfortunately it really is just trial and error (and having lots of patience!). If you are feeling frustrated about breastfeeding or having a decrease in supply, do not worry! It is totally okay if you have to feed with formula while you are trying to figure everything out- or if you end up feeding with formula exclusively! A fed baby is a happy baby– no matter whether you are breastfeeding or using formula. Please don’t beat yourself up if your feeding plan isn’t going like you hoped. All that matters is that your baby is getting nutrients and growing- no matter how you have to do it!

Below, I linked both of the breast pumps I have- The Medela Symphony is outrageously expensive; I am renting it from our local hospital for $70/month. I also linked Gray’s bottles and all accessories too!

Few quick things about the breast pumps I have here at home- the Medela Symphony and Medela Freestyle:

• The Medela Symphony is a hospital-grade pump. It retails around $2,000 (yikes!), but I am renting it from our local hospital for $70/month- still pricey, but it makes a huge difference for me. Size-wise is pretty big/heavy and it must be plugged in to work (meaning you are stuck sitting in one place while you are pumping and cannot get up to move around).
• The Medela Freestyle is much more compact, lightweight, and affordable. My insurance covered a large portion of it, so its didn’t cost me much out of pocket. This one doesn’t need to be plugged in, so you can wear it and move around as you please (it does need to be charged though). I use this pump when I am on the go or when I am traveling because it is much more practical. The downside with this pump is that its not as powerful as the Medela Symphony, so I am not able to pump as many ounces per day.

Sleep Schedule

Okay, now onto Gray’s sleeping schedule. For the first 6 weeks, Gray slept in our room in the Snoo bassinet. Basically it encompasses the idea of a swaddle and adds in sound + motion to soothe your baby and keep them asleep longer/pacify them if they are upset. A few things to know about the Snoo:

1. It is expensive (full price is $1295). They do run 40% off sales every now and again, so if you are pregnant and are wanting to buy it, I would sign up to receive emails. It will definitely go on sale within the 9 months you are pregnant and you can buy it for significantly less.
2. They do offer a 40% off military discount here. This is what we did since Scott is a veteran.
3. If you don’t want to buy, there is a monthly rental option. Depending on how long you think you’ll use it (max is 5-6 months) and whether or not you plan to use it with future children down the road, this may be a great option for you.

The first 2-3 weeks at home, Gray hated the Snoo. We would strap him in and he literally would lose his mind. We did everything we could think of to get him to like it, but nothing worked. Finally around week 3, he seemed to like it a little more and now he loves it!

When Gray was 6 weeks old, we moved the bassinet from our room into the nursery and that is where Gray has been sleeping. Making the decision to move your baby into their own room is totally up to you, but between the Snoo, the monitor, and the Owlet, we felt like he would be fine.

Below, I included some screenshots from the Snoo app- it pairs with your bassinet and tracks your baby’s sleeping patterns. The blue indicates that Gray is calm; the red indicates that he is fussy and the Snoo is trying to soothe him.

Quite a few of you have asked when and how we plan to transition Gray to his crib. Obviously, the crib doesn’t move like the Snoo does, so we will have to first get Gray used to no movement. The makers of the Snoo (Happiest Baby) recommend transitioning your baby at 5-6 months old to the crib. However, starting around 3 months old, we noticed that Gray was able to free his arms from the Snoo swaddle- don’t ask us how…it’s still a mystery how he does it. The Snoo sleep sack does have openings that you can unsnap to let your child’s arms through, so we did that for about a week and Gray seemed to like it! Once I knew he could sleep without being swaddled, we just decided to start weaning him from the Snoo and into the crib. There is a ‘weaning’ feature on the Snoo app where the base level changes from a gentle rocking motion to no motion at all. The white noise sound still plays. If your child starts crying, the Snoo will gently start rocking, but once your child is calm, it will go back to no movement at all. We have been using this feature for the last 1.5 weeks and Gray has been doing great! When we lay him down at night, the Snoo is not moving and generally he doesn’t wake at all during the night. There have been a few times where he gets fussy around 4 AM, but the Snoo is able to rock him back to sleep and eventually stop moving.

About a week ago, we decided to start putting Gray in his crib for nap time during the day. We have the Hatch Baby sound machine, so we turn that on and he (thankfully!) does well in the crib. We really should go ahead and put him in the crib for nighttime as well to see how he does, but for some reason I just can’t cut the cord with the Snoo at night haha! We will likely fully transition him to the crib sometime over the next week, so wish us luck!

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Gray’s Daily Schedule

The last thing I wanted to touch on is what a typical day looks like for us- each day varies, but generally speaking we do keep to a certain schedule. This schedule is based on Gray being 3 months old:

• 6-7 AM: Gray wakes and feeds 5-7 ounces
• 7-9 AM: After feeding, Gray is usually up for 1.5-2 hours. We have ‘activity time’ where we play, do tummy time, and snuggle
• 9-11:30 AM: Nap time- Gray gets a little fussy which means he is tired. Generally, his first morning nap is his longest of the day and will last 2.5-3 hours.
• 11:30 AM- 1:30 PM: Gray is up and feeds 5-7 ounces. We play and hang out together.
• 1:30 PM- 3:30 PM: Nap time- This nap can be tricky because it can be anywhere between 45 minutes – 2 hours depending on the day. If it is a shorter nap, he will feed (5-7 ounces) again once he wakes up.
• 4 PM – 7:30 PM: This is the toughest part of the day aka ‘the witching hour.’ Whenever Gray wakes from his late afternoon nap, I will feed him typically no more than 5 ounces because I want him to be hungry again around 6:45 (which is his big nighttime bottle). Once he feeds 5ish ounces around 4:30-5 PM, we basically try to keep him entertained until bedtime. It is also tricky because this is the same time that we are trying to prep and eat dinner. I like to wear Gray in my Solly wrap during this time and sometimes he will end up taking a catnap for 30 minutes from 5:30-6 PM (just depends on the day). I do not let him sleep past 6 PM though- we need him to be sleepy at bedtime. Around 6:15 PM, I will take Gray up to his room and start our bedtime routine. We bathe him every other day (again, personal preference here!), so some nights include a bath and others don’t. Gray loves bath time, so its a good distraction for him and gives us something to do before bed. On no-bath nights, I will take my time putting pajamas on him and try to entertain him in his room.
• 6:45 PM- 7:30 PM: I feed Gray a 7-8 ounce bottle, burp him, and then rock him to sleep. We only have the Hatch Baby night light on and have white noise going. We keep it very calm and mellow in his room once this feeding starts because I want him to know that it is bedtime. Sometimes he will fall asleep quickly, other nights I can be rocking him for what seems like forever (and I have to ask Scott to take over). A good night would be that he is in bed by 7:30 PM; a not so great night would be that he stays up/is fussy past 8:30 PM.

WOW- okay. That was a lot of information! If you made it to the end of this GOD BLESS YOU! It has literally taken me multiple days to write this because I keep coming back and adding more info and feel like I have more to say. I hope this is helpful for you moms-to-be and current moms out there! As always, thank you for reading! XO- A